It turns out that incessant rumination, that feeling of your brain replaying past events over and over, is often just regret in disguise [1]. We tend to think that if we analyze what happened long enough, we can somehow change the past. But according to "Therapy in a Nutshell," this kind of mental replay, while it might *feel* like taking action, actually prevents genuine healing [1].
The truth is, regret doesn't heal through endless analysis; it heals through present-moment action [1]. The fastest way to move past yesterday's "I wish I had" is to stop living in the past and start taking value-based steps today. For example, if you regret not speaking your mind, practice honesty in a small way today. If you're dwelling on a mistake, consider making amends or taking responsibility for a tiny part of it [1]. The video shares an anecdote about someone who expressed regret over a past relationship but then balked when given a chance to reignite it – a perfect illustration of dwelling on the past without being willing to act in the present [1].
The key is to identify the underlying value that your regret points to. Do you value learning, responsibility, or trying hard? Once you identify that value, you can always take action on it *right now*. Whether it's apologizing, learning one new thing from an error, or fixing a small part of a problem, these present-moment actions help shift you out of the cycle of rumination and toward genuine healing [1].
It's truly amazing what we can learn about ourselves when we begin to understand our own bodies' reactions to trauma. As Dr. Aimie Apigian of Therapy in a Nutshell beautifully illustrates, gaining the ability to recognize your personal trauma response can be an incredibly validating and healing journey, though it certainly takes some dedicated self-work [1]. She shares a vivid personal anecdote from her general surgery residency, where a reprimand from an attending physician, despite outward appearances, triggered a profound internal shift.
She describes experiencing a dorsal vagal response – a sudden shift from a high-energy state to a low-energy, "collapse" feeling that left her struggling to even stay upright. What made this moment so insightful was her ability to observe it as if from a distance, realizing that internally, she had regressed to "little Amy," feeling like she was being reprimanded by her father, bringing up old feelings of failure. Crucially, she notes that outwardly, she likely appeared stoic, completely masking the deep internal emotional and physical collapse. This experience underscores how our trauma responses can manifest uniquely within us, often unseen by others, and how recognizing these internal shifts is key to understanding ourselves and fostering healing [1].
For years, many of us have been told to take a deep breath to calm anxiety, but a new perspective from therapist Emma McAdam at Therapy in a Nutshell suggests that for some people, especially those prone to anxiety or panic, this common advice can actually make things worse [1]. While diaphragmatic or "belly" breathing does have benefits like triggering the parasympathetic "calm" response, the issue arises when anxious individuals try too hard, often gulping air and focusing excessively on the inhale. This can lead to overbreathing, a drop in carbon dioxide, and symptoms like breathlessness, dizziness, or tingling, which in turn can trigger or worsen a panic attack [1].
Instead of forcing deep inhales, McAdam recommends focusing on two key things: slow breathing and ensuring your exhale is longer than your inhale. The goal isn't to breathe deeper, but to gently lengthen the out-breath, inviting a softening rather than forcing a calm. This technique involves breathing gently through your nose, pausing briefly, and then slowly extending your exhale. It's still beneficial to engage your diaphragm, but the emphasis shifts from depth to duration and gentleness. And if trying to change your breathing causes panic, McAdam stresses not to force calmness. Instead, practice acceptance—acknowledging what you're feeling without judgment—and cultivate curiosity, observing sensations like a scientist without trying to change them [1]. By gently guiding your body with slow, extended exhales and combining it with acceptance, you can gradually restore a sense of safety and activate your body's natural calming responses.